Forgiven is not healthy! - Forgiveness and Past

March 15, 2019

This week two topics havecaught my attention in social networks, forgivenessandpast.  Both were in completely disconnected posts, but were being mentioned here and there. 

 

Some posts were about the need to forgive, and others, disconnected to this theme, about leaving the past in the past and moving on. 

 

Moreover, I reflected on both topics, which for me are directly connected. 

 

About forgiveness, I think that in order to forgiving something I have to be offended by something. After all, if I do not feel offended I do not have the need to forgiving. 

 

So, still speaking about forgiveness, if there is this need, in the past, it is because something offended me, even if we are talking about recent past. Therefore, forgiveness and past are intrinsically connected. 

 

What I have read more often on social networks is about forgiving and moving forward, however if we do this we will have a life of daily forgiveness, therefore, I let myself to be offended each day and then I forgive, and this becomes a cycle, which some will say will be beneficial, because forgiveness is fashionable, it's nice to say someone forgave someone. Nevertheless, when we are offended our body reacts to this offense with stress, it generates in our organism the idea of ​​something very bad is happening and that is a life and death matter, so there is a need to escape or fight. This constant stress in our organism, for issues that are not really life or death, enables the generation and / or maintenance of diseases caused by stress.

 

In this way, living forgiving is not healthy!  

 

What would be healthy then?  

 

Living the present in a conscious way, being present in the present, using our capacity for active listening, empathy, discernment, focus, love and the most important in this topic, I believe it would be using as premise the second agreement quoted by Don Miguel Ruiz in his book "The four agreements", "don’t take anything personally”. If we have this agreement with ourselves, and we understand that nothing is personal, we will not feel offended, our body will not feel in a state of flight or struggle avoiding unnecessary stress and the possibility of an illness, and we will not have to forgive, finally there is no offense. In this way we will be more present in the present, after all I do not need to revisit the past to seek forgiveness.

 

We need to be aware that when the other person says that he or she speaks something about me or to me, he or she does it in the face of their parameters, in face of their experiences, vision, values, etc., in the other words, it does not talk about me or to me, but about and to him/her.

 

 I do not think it is a simple task to follow, but it is certainly possible, just start one step at a time, one day after another, training.  

 

A good start may be to write on a paper "Nothing is Personal" and fix it on your nightstand beside your bed, and every day when you wake up read it, and remind your mind that "nothing is personal". And remember that when I forgive, I am forgiving myself for letting me to be offended.

 

Living the present in a conscious way! And be free and happy!

 

Tathiana M. Neder

www.coaching4action.com

 

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